Hall of Justice

Impervious to kryptonite since 1974. Bragging about it since 1974.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Fun With Scammers Part 11: Homonyms Are Grate

KELVIN & MARK LAW FIRM.
#24 AWOLOWO RD. LAGOS STATE. NIGERIA.
alternate email address:kelvinlawfirm@kelvinlawfirm.cjb.net

Dear Sir/Madam,

I know this Letter will come to you as a suprise,though i do not intend to embarras you.Let me start by Formally introducing My self to you. I am Barrister KELVIN BELLO,a Legal Practitioner and Head of Chambers,of an International accredited Law Firm with offices in Nigeria ,South Africa,Ghana and United states.I am the Attorney representing Engr.Lathan who lost his life along with his entire family on Monday, 31 July, 2000 in a plane crash in paris. Please visit this site that is one of the evidence that proves he died in the plane crash, http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/859479.stm"According to report reaching me, based on an extensive inquiry through Nigeria Embassy in Paris revealed that non of his family member survived . My deceased client lived most of his life time in Nigeria and took here as a home,since according to him he was raised up in an orphanage in his country having been abandoned by his mother.As a consultant to Oil Prospecting Companies in Nigeria he made fortune for him self and i have been his personal Attorney spanning for a period of five years.

Now to the brass tack ,the deceased took life Insurance Policy which entitles any Surviving member of his family to a whooping sum of US$7.9 Million Dollars in the event of his death.Unfortunately his wife and children who statutorily are his next of kin are no more and under the existing law here the Surviving relatives of my deceased client becomes the benefactors. It is as a result of this development that compelled me to go into an extensive search in the internet for possible trace of his family Linage but to no avail.However,since you are a Foreigner and only a foreigner can be next of kin to my deceased client,I want to seek your consent to present you as a relative to My deceased client by virtue of family linage.As attorney to the decesaed the onus of proof to establish your relationship with my client,rest on me and to achieve this objective,there are judicial process involved which i will brief you on subsequent correspondence if you indicate interest. I am not puruing this claim for the monetary gain,it is a duty i owe to my late client as i intend to use part of the fund to establish a Foundation in his name,notwithstanding you will be adequately rewarded for your assistance in this endeavour,as you will receive 40% of the total amount involved. Expecting to hear from you as soon as possible.

Best Regards,
Barr KELVIN BELLO Esq.
Principal Partner:

Contact me on my private email: kelvinlawfirm@kelvinlawfirm.cjb.net


Barrister,

They’re he sat, perusing his bulk male folder. And their it sat, between "The Larger The Better" and "Discount Meds Shipping World Wide"! A letter from Kelvin Belloh offering me the chants of a lifetime. I except, butt first allow me too introduce myself. I am Pataki St. James, a best sailing author and esteemed philathropist. I love giving generously too those in knead. Tail me, Barrister, what would you have me due? You have my undivided attention. As whale, I am amazed at you’re ability to find the details of a plain crash on the internet. You are truly a master, sir.

You’re humble servant,
Pataki St. James


KELVIN & MARK LAW FIRM
#24 AWOLOWO RD. LAGOS STATE,
NIGERIA.

DEAR Sanford Jones,

COMPLIMENTS OF THE DAY.YOU ARE WELCOME TO KELVIN & MARK LAW FIRM. I HAVE RECEIVED YOUR MAIL AND I WOULD REALLY WANT TO THANK YOU FOR YOUR QUICK RESPONSE TO MY MAIL.I WOULD REALLY WANT TO WORK WITH YOU AND SHARE THE MONEY WITH YOU AT THE END OF THE TRANSACTION.IT IS A DEAL AND WE HAVE TO DISCUSS FURTHER ON THE BASIS WE ARE GOING TO RUN IT AND ALSO THE SHARING MODALITIES.FOR NOW I WOULD WANT TO SEEK FOR YOUR SINCERITY AND TRUST THROUGH OUT THIS TRANSACTION BECAUSE IT IS THE BEDROCK OF EVERY SUCCESSFUL BUSINESS TRANSACTION.

TO COMMENCE THIS TRANSACTION, I WOULD WANT YOU TO PROVIDE ME WITH YOUR PHONE NUMBER AND FAX NUMBER SO THAT WE CAN OPEN UP TALK ON THIS TRANSACTION.IMMEDIATELY I GET YOUR PHONE NUMBER AND FAX I WILL GIVE YOU A CALL SO THAT WE CAN OPEN UP DISCUSSION.YOU CAN CALL ME FOR ANY QUESTIONS ON MY DIRECT PHONE NUMBER: 234-8035698278, DIAL IT THIS WAY:011-234-8035698278 OR +1234-8035698278

REGARDS,
BARR.KELVIN BELLO.esq
ATTORNEY AT LAW.


DEAR SANFORD,

HOW ARE YOU TODAY? DID YOU RECEIVE MY EMAIL.ARE YOU READY FOR THIS TRANSACTIONS? PLEASE IF YOU ARE READY GET BACK TO ME IMMEDIATELLY SO THAT WE CAN PROCEED ON THE NEXT STEP.

REGARDS,
BARR.KELVIN BELLO.esq
ATTORNEY AT LAW.


Bello,

I am grate! How are you? I did get you’re e-male this morning. I apologize for the tardiness of my response, butt I was at a Save The Sugar Aunts Gala. Those sweet little insects are inn real danger of becoming extinct, and my presents was requested because I donate sew much money too worthy causes. Not trying too brag, butt I gave $500,000 to the effort.

I am ready. I am ready. I am ready! As too you’re request for my phone number, you must no that I am deaf. I can’t here a thing. However, I would bee happy too converse with you with a text phone if you have access to won. Otherwise, e-male is the best form of communication four me. How due you wish too proceed?

Yours In Service,
Pataki St. James


DEAR SANFORD,

COMPLIMENTS OF THE DAY. I HAVE RECEIVED YOUR MAIL TODAY AND I HAVE ATTACHED WITH THIS MAIL MY INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT FOR IDENTIFICATION PURPOSE.THE NEXT STEP WE HAVE TO TAKE INORDER TO COMMENCE THIS TRANSACTION PROPER IS FOR YOU TO PROVIDE ME WITH YOUR CONTACT INFORMATION:
(1)YOUR FULL NAME.
(2)YOUR RESIDENTIAL ADDRESS.
(3)YOUR AGE
(4)MARITAL STATUS.
(5)YOUR OCCUPATION.
(6) YOUR INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT OR DRIVERS LICSENCE(FOR IDENTIFICATION PURPOSE).

I WILL NEED THIS INFORMATION TO ENABLE ME PREPARE SOME LEGAL PAPERS IN YOUR NAME THAT WILL BACK UP THIS TRANSACTION.IMMEDIATELY I GET THIS INFORMATION FROM YOU I WILL INTIMATE YOU ON THE NEXT STEP WE WILL TAKE.

REGARDS,
BARR.KELVIN BELLO.esq
ATTORNEY AT LAW.




















Dear Franklin Delano Roosevelt,

I will bee happy two use you’re correct name win ewe decide too use mine. Thru out hour correspondence, you have referred too me as Sir/Madam, Sanford Jones, and Sanford. I am none of those people. My name, as I have twice written, is Pataki St. James. Please make this correction.

Look at you. Aren’t you a handsome devil! I shall reciprocate you’re proof of identity shortly.

Full Name: Pataki St. James
Address: 5012 Anus Road, Snow Mountain, FL 34192
Age: 42
Marital Status: Thrice divorced
Occupation: Author, philanthropist

How due you propose we divide the profit?

Humbly,
Pataki St. James


DEAR Pataki St. James,

HOW ARE YOU TODAY? I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR THE INFORMATION AND FOR THE CORRECTIONS.WE ARE GOING TO DIVIDE THE PROFIT AMONG OURSELVES THUS:40% GOES TO YOU AND 60% WILL GO TO ME.IF THIS IS OKAY BY YOU PLEASE LET ME KNOW. I WOULD NOT FAIL TO LET YOU UNDERSTAND THAT THERE MIGHT BE SOME TRANSFER CHARGES DURING THIS TRANSACTION DUE TO THE FACT THAT IT INVOLVES A HUGE AMOUNT OF DOLLARS($7.9M) AND AGAIN AN INTERNATIONAL TRANSACTION.SO I WANT TO CONFIRM FROM YOU ONE THING BEFORE WE PROCEED IN CONTACTING THE BANK HOLDING THE FUNDS.I WANT TO BE SURE OF YOUR SERIOUSNESS AND SINCERITY BEFORE I PROVIDE YOU TO THE BANK AS THE BONAFIDE BENEFICIARY TO MY LATE CLIENTS FUNDS IN THE BANK BECAUSE ANYBODY THAT I PROVIDE TO THE BANK AS THE BENEFICIARY HAS AUTOMATICALLY BECOME THE BENEFICIARY AND WILL HAVE THE POWER OF ATTORNEY.SO TELL ME ARE YOU READY TO SUPPORT ME IN FOOTING ANY TRANSFER FEE THAT MIGHT COME IN THIS TRANSACTION? I WILL TELL YOU HOW WE WILL CONTACT THE BANK INORDER TO INITIATE THE TRANSFER INTO YOUR NOMINATED ACCOUNT WHEN I RECEIVE AN INDICATION FROM YOU THAT YOU ARE READY TO FOOT ANY BILLS WITH ME.WE MUST HAVE TO SHARE ANY EXPENSES THAT MIGHT COME UP IN THIS TRANSACTION BECAUSE WE ARE GOING! TO BENEFIT FROM IT TOGETHER..THAT IS WHY WE HAVE TO FOOT ANY BILL COLLECTIVELY.IF YOU ARE NOT READY TO SUPPORT FINANCIALY IM SORRY I HAVE TO CANCELL THIS TRANSACTION OUTRIGHTLY. EXPECTING YOUR RESPONSE.

REGARDS,
BARR.KELVIN BELLO.esq
ATTORNEY AT LAW.


Bello,

We are going! How much help will you need in footing this bill? As I may have said before, I am independently wealthy (I often brag about my wealth), butt I did knot become a wealthy author and philanthropist bye throwing money away. Because I will bee called upon too foot this bill, I will request that I receive 60% of the profit. Handsome as sin and stingy to, is Kelvin Bello!

On a side note, I am an author, as eye said. However, I have recently fallen on hard times inn coming up with good material. Due you have any exciting stories you could share? As a proposition, I will give you an extra 5% of the profit for each exciting story you can share with me that I deem book-worthy. Inn other words, if you share a story with me that I can translate into a book, I will give you an extra 5% of the sharing ratio.

Greatfully,
Pataki St. James


DEAR Pataki St. James,

COMPLIMENTS OF THE DAY.I HAVE RECEIVED YOUR EMAIL.NOW THAT YOU HAVE INDICATED YOUR READINESS IN COMPLETING THIS TRANSACTIONS WITH ME I WILL INTIMATE YOU ON THE NEXT STEP TO TAKE TO COMMENCE THE TRANSACTIONS PROPER.FIRST I WOULD WANT TO LET YOU KNOW THAT I DO NOT KNOW THE AMOUNT THAT MIGHT BE REQUIRED FROM US FOR THE TRANSFER CHARGES.IT IS THE DUTY OF THE BANK TO TELL US BECAUSE THEY KNOW HOW THE CARRY OUT THEIR BANKING OPERATIONS BUT IF WE ARE LUCKY ENOUGH THEY MIGHT WAIVE EVERY TRANSFER FEE FOR US.IF YOU ARE SAYING THAT I SHOULD ALLOW YOU 60% BECAUSE YOU ARE GOING TO FOOT THE BILLS THAT WILL BE UNFAIR BECAUSE I GAVE YOU THIS OPPORTUNITY(YOU SHOULD SHOW SOME APPRECIATIONS BY ALLOWING ME A BIGGER PERCENTAGE) AND IM ALSO GOING TO SUPPORT YOU IN FOOTING THE BILLS,I CAN ONLY SUGGEST WE SHARE THE MONEY 50% FOR YOU AND 50% FOR ME,SHARE IT EQUAL..OKAY? THE NEXT STEP YOU HAVE TO TAKE NOW TO COMMENCE THIS TRANSACTION PROPER IS FOR YOU TO CONTACT THE BANK HOLDING THE FUNDS VIA:etfsonlineservice@etfsonlineservice.cjb.net, etfonlineservice@financesource.com, etfonlineservice@yahoo.com. THESE ARE THE OFFICIAL EMAIL ADDRESS CONTACTS OF THE BANK.THOUGH I HAVE ALREADY INFORMED THEM YESTERDAY THAT I HAVE FOUND THE BONAFIDE BENEFICIARY TO MY LATE CLIENTS FUNDS IN THEIR BANK AND THEY REQUESTED THAT YOU (THE BENEFICIARY) SHOULD APPLY FORMALLY BY WRITING A MAIL TO THEM OR COMING IN PERSON.SO ALL YOU HAVE TO DO NOW IS TO WRITE THE BANK,BE VERY BRIEF ABOUT IT.TELL THEM THAT YOU ARE THE BONAFIDE BENEFICIARY TO THE FUNDS OF LATE ENGNR LATHAN IN THEIR BANK,THAT THEY SHOULD PROVIDE YOU WITH THE NEXT OF KIN APPLICATION FORM SO THAT YOU CAN APPLY TO CLAIM YOUR FUNDS.DO NOT FORGET TO INCLUDE THAT I ATTORNEY KELVIN BELLO IS YOUR PERSONAL ATTORNEY TO THIS TRANSACTIONS.WRITE THEM IMMEDIATELY.

THEN ABOUT YOUR BOOK I WILL SEE IF I CAN COME UP WITH ANY GOOD STORY FOR YOU JUST THAT IM ALWAYS BUSY FOR SUCH.PLEASE WRITE THE BANK IMMEDIATELY AT THE EMAIL ADDRESS I GAVE YOU ABOVE AND MAKE SURE YOU KEEP ME UPDATED WITH EVERY TRANSACTIONS YOU MAKE WITH THE BANK.

REGARDS,
BARR.KELVIN BELLO.esq
ATTORNEY AT LAW.

NB/ SINCE WE HAVE AGREED TO WORK TOGETHER WHAT WE NEED IS SINCERITY AND TRUST.PLEASE MAKE SURE YOU WILL NOT RUN AWAY WITH THIS MONEY WHEN THE BANK TRANSFERS IT INTO YOUR NOMINATED ACCOUNT..PROMISE ME. AGAIN,FOR SECURITY PURPOSE THIS TRANSACTION SHOULD BE KEPT CONFIDENTIAL.


Pataki St. James,

COMPLIMENTS OF THE DAY. HAVE YOU CONTACTED THE BANK FOR THE COMMENCEMENT OF THE TRANSACTION?IM WRITING TO REMIND YOU ABOUT IT BECAUSE I HAVE NOT HEARD FROM YOU LATELY.I JUST HOPE EVERYTHING IS MOVING FINE.IF YOU HAVE CONTACTED THE BANK PLEASE GET ME UPDATED.REMEMBER, THIS TRANSACTION IF WE SHOULD COMPLY WITH THE BANK IT WILL LAST FOR NOTHING MORE THAN 2 WEEKS.ITS IN OUR HANDS TO HASTEN UP THE TRANSACTION.PLEASE GET ME UPDATED WITH EVERY TRANSACTION YOU HAVE BEEN DOING WITH THE BANK.

REGARDS,
BARR.KELVIN BELLO.esq
ATTORNEY AT LAW.


Dearest Sirs/ Madams:

Allow me too introduce myself. I am Pataki St. James of America, author and philanthropist. Eye am the bonafide beneficiary too the funds of the late engnr Lathan. All that I ask is a next of kin application so that eye mite claim my funds. I am whale represented bye the esteemed Barrister Kelvin Bello of Nigeria.

Yours,
Pataki St. James


Bello,

My sincerest apologies for the delay. It seams you’re latest e-males were sent to my bulk account. Imagine my system thinking you’re correspondence is spam! You’re e-males were sandwiched between "OEM cd`s download and by post.-." and "Viagra just 1$". Anyhoo, I half notified the bank purr you’re request, and included you inn the correspondence. As ewe requested earlier, my pitcher is attached. You have my word that know moor delays of this nature will arise. I now have my I’s own my bulk account.

In service,
Pataki St. James


ATTENTION: THE HEAD OF THE ADMINISTRATIVE DEPARTMENT

THE ECO TRUST FUND AND SECURITY COMPANY
E.T.F.S. PLACE
WALTER CARRINGTON CRESCENT,
VICTORIA ISLAND-LAGOS,
NIGERIA.
EMAIL ADDRESS: etfsonlineservice@etfsonlineservice.cjb.net,
etfonlineservice@yahoo.com, etfonlineservice@financesource.com
TELEPHONE NUMBER:+234-8034953960

ATTN:Pataki St. James,

YOU ARE WELCOME TO THE ECO TRUST FUND AND SECURITY COMPANY,NIGERIA.SIR, WE HAVE ACKNOWLEDGED YOUR LETTER AND WE ARE REALLY SORRY ABOUT THE SUDDEN DEATH OF YOUR DECEASED RELATIVE ENGNR.LATHAN. INORDER TO INITIATE YOUR FUND TRANSFER PROPERLY WITHOUT DELAY YOU ARE TO FILL OUT THE NEXT OF KIN APPLICATION FORM WHICH WE HAVE ATTACHED WITH THIS EMAIL.FILL IT CORRECTLY AND RETURN IT TO OUR OFFICE INORDER TO ENABLE US COMMENCE THE TRANSFER OF YOUR FUNDS. WE WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR RESPONSE.

SINCERELY,
DR.STEVE OWEN
THE ECO TRUST FUND AND SECURITY COMPANY,NIGERIA.

Plain Text Attachment [ Download File | Save to Yahoo! Briefcase ]

ATTENTION: THE HEAD OF THE ADMINISTRATIVE DEPARTMENT
THE ECO TRUST FUND AND FINANCE COMPANY
E.T.F.S. PLACE
WALTER CARRINGTON CRESCENT,
VICTORIA ISLAND-LAGOS,
NIGERIA.
EMAIL ADDRESS: etfsonlineservice@etfsonlineservice.cjb.net, etfonlineservice@yahoo.com, etfonlineservice@financesource.com
TELEPHONE NUMBER:+234-8034953960

SIR,
SUB: APPLICATION AS NEXT-OF-KIN DRAWING FROM THE ACCOUNT OF LATE MR.LATHAN,( WITH YOUR BANK VALUED AT US$7,900,000.00)

I AM THE NEXT-OF-KIN FOLLOWING MY RELATIONSHIP TO LATE MR. LATHAN,WITH THIS LETTER, YOU WILL CERTAINLY REMEMBER THAT SOME YEARS AGO, MANY DAILY NEWSPAPERS IN YOUR COUNTRY PUBLISHED THE DEATH OF ONE OF YOUR NUMEROUS CUSTOMERS,MY LATE COUSIN,WHO HAD A PERMANENT RESIDENCE PERMIT IN NIGERIA SINCE 1978 AND WHO DIED IN A PLANE CRASH ALONG WITH HIS ENTIRE FAMILY .

FOLLOWING THE DEPOSIT/LODGEMENT HOLDEN IN THE DOMICILIARY ACCOUNT OF YOUR LATE CUSTOMER, MY LATE RELATION, WITH THE FOLLOWING ACCOUNT DETAILS:

ACCOUNT NUMBER: E.T.F.S./540011453789.
BILL NUMBER: E.T.F.S /011/92.
TOTAL AMOUNT: US $7,900,000.00 ONLY.
TANSACTION CODE: E.T.F.S../XXX-23908756X.
SWIFT CODE: E.T.F.S.NG547

AS A RELATIVE, I HAVE REALISED THE MENTIONED ACCOUNT NUMBER ACCORDING TO THE DEED OF WILL ALREADY INTERPRETED FOR AND IN MY FAVOUR BY HIS ATTORNEY BARRISTER KELVIN BELLO {esq.}, AND AS AT THE DATE OF THIS LETTER, I HAVE NOT RECEIVED ANY PAYMENT FROM YOUR BANK YET, AS THE NEXT-OF-KIN TO THE DECEASED.

I TRUST THAT YOU WILL UNDERSTAND THAT UNDER THIS CIRCUMSTANCE, YOU WILL BEGIN TO PROCESS THE TRANSFER OF US$7,900,000.00 TO AN ACCOUNT, WHICH I SHALL PROVIDE. I AM PREPARED AND READY TO SUBMIT ANY DOCUMENTARY EVIDENCE (S) UPON DEMAND AND ALSO I WILL BE SOLELY RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL OBLIGATIONS THERE TO CONCERNING THE TRANSFER OF THE US$7,900,000.00 TO MY BANK ACCOUNT.

KINDLY NOTE THE ABOVE INFORMATION AND CHECK YOUR RECORDS ACCORDINGLY IN MY FAVOR. PLEASE SWIFT WIRE THE PRINCIPAL AMOUNT OF THE FACE VALUE (100%) PLUS THE PERCENTAGE OF INTEREST ACCRUED INTO MY BANK ACCOUNT GIVEN BELOW.

FIND BELOW MY CONTACT DETAILS AND ALSO ALL INFORMATIONS REGARDING ME FOR YOUR RECORDS.

PERSONAL INFORMATION

FULL NAME:...............................................................
AGE:.....................................................................
RESIDENTIAL ADDRESS:.................................................................
TEL NO:..................................................................
FAX NO:......................................................................
EMAIL ADDRESS:
..........................................................
PROFESSION:..............................................................
DATE OF BIRTH:...........................................................
SEX:.....................................................................
MARITAL STATUS:..................................................................

YOURS FAITHFULLY,


ATTENTION: THE HEAD OF THE ADMINISTRATIVE DEPARTMENT
THE ECO TRUST FUND AND FINANCE COMPANY
E.T.F.S. PLACE
WALTER CARRINGTON CRESCENT,
VICTORIA ISLAND-LAGOS,
NIGERIA.
EMAIL ADDRESS: etfsonlineservice@etfsonlineservice.cjb.net, etfonlineservice@yahoo.com, etfonlineservice@financesource.com
TELEPHONE NUMBER:+234-8034953960

SIR,
SUB: APPLICATION AS NEXT-OF-KIN DRAWING FROM THE ACCOUNT OF LATE MR.LATHAN,( WITH YOUR BANK VALUED AT US$7,900,000.00)

I AM THE NEXT-OF-KIN FOLLOWING MY RELATIONSHIP TO LATE MR. LATHAN,WITH THIS LETTER, YOU WILL CERTAINLY REMEMBER THAT SOME YEARS AGO, MANY DAILY NEWSPAPERS IN YOUR COUNTRY PUBLISHED THE DEATH OF ONE OF YOUR NUMEROUS CUSTOMERS,MY LATE COUSIN,WHO HAD A PERMANENT RESIDENCE PERMIT IN NIGERIA SINCE 1978 AND WHO DIED IN A PLANE CRASH ALONG WITH HIS ENTIRE FAMILY .

FOLLOWING THE DEPOSIT/LODGEMENT HOLDEN IN THE DOMICILIARY ACCOUNT OF YOUR LATE CUSTOMER, MY LATE RELATION, WITH THE FOLLOWING ACCOUNT DETAILS:

ACCOUNT NUMBER: E.T.F.S./540011453789.
BILL NUMBER: E.T.F.S /011/92.
TOTAL AMOUNT: US $7,900,000.00 ONLY.
TANSACTION CODE: E.T.F.S../XXX-23908756X.
SWIFT CODE: E.T.F.S.NG547

AS A RELATIVE, I HAVE REALISED THE MENTIONED ACCOUNT NUMBER ACCORDING TO THE DEED OF WILL ALREADY INTERPRETED FOR AND IN MY FAVOUR BY HIS ATTORNEY BARRISTER KELVIN BELLO {esq.}, AND AS AT THE DATE OF THIS LETTER, I HAVE NOT RECEIVED ANY PAYMENT FROM YOUR BANK YET, AS THE NEXT-OF-KIN TO THE DECEASED.

I TRUST THAT YOU WILL UNDERSTAND THAT UNDER THIS CIRCUMSTANCE, YOU WILL BEGIN TO PROCESS THE TRANSFER OF US$7,900,000.00 TO AN ACCOUNT, WHICH I SHALL PROVIDE. I AM PREPARED AND READY TO SUBMIT ANY DOCUMENTARY EVIDENCE (S) UPON DEMAND AND ALSO I WILL BE SOLELY RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL OBLIGATIONS THERE TO CONCERNING THE TRANSFER OF THE US$7,900,000.00 TO MY BANK ACCOUNT.

KINDLY NOTE THE ABOVE INFORMATION AND CHECK YOUR RECORDS ACCORDINGLY IN MY FAVOR. PLEASE SWIFT WIRE THE PRINCIPAL AMOUNT OF THE FACE VALUE (100%) PLUS THE PERCENTAGE OF INTEREST ACCRUED INTO MY BANK ACCOUNT GIVEN BELOW.

FIND BELOW MY CONTACT DETAILS AND ALSO ALL INFORMATIONS REGARDING ME FOR YOUR RECORDS.

PERSONAL INFORMATION
FULL NAME: Pataki Jane St. James
AGE: 42
RESIDENTIAL ADDRESS: 5012 Anus Road, Snow Mountain, FL 34192
TEL NO: N/A (text phone only)
FAX NO: (916) 560-5668
EMAIL ADDRESS: sanfordrjones@yahoo.com
PROFESSION: best sailing author and esteemed philathropist
DATE OF BIRTH: 6-9-83
SEX: Mail
MARITAL STATUS: thrice divorced

YOURS FAITHFULLY,
Pataki St. James


Bello,

Knot two much is going own hear, thanks four asking. What about ewe? Everything is all rite with me, thanks again for asking, my friend. I half replied too the bank with the application. The wills should bee inn motion as we speak! As we speak, Bello!

Indeed, I promised "no more delays of this nature." However, your e-males half now mysteriously begun too appear in my regular inbox, and I was looking four them in my bulk folder. Thus, this delay. I now no that I must vigilantly canvas all my folders four you're e-males. Theirs know tailing wear you're e-males wheel pop up, ewe rascal! Pleas let me no what I knead too due next.

You're servant,
Pataki St. James


Dear Pataki St. James,

I received your email and i want to thank you for it but still keep me updated with every transactions you make with the bank.

regards,
Barr.Kelvin Belloesq
ATTORNEY AT LAW.


Dear Barr.Kelvin Belloesq,

Eye caught you’re e-male this thyme, Mr. Non-Space! Ewe have my word that I will keep you updated, my esteemed Barrister. Wee are inn this together. Too date, know additional correspondence has occurred with the bank. Due you happen two no why they half 3 different e-male addresses? Eye find that rather queer. Half you come up with any interesting stories, perchance?

Humbly,
Pataki St. James

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Monkey With Cancer Sticks

Friday, June 23, 2006

Where Have You Been?!?!


So... it's been a while. I have successfully run off all three of you who read this cornucopia of genius with any regularity. Let's just say that my life has not been what I would have expected over the last few months.

Yes, I am back now, so you can put down the gun/ rope/ sleeping pills. You may experience brief delays in content from time to time, but please refrain from suicidal thoughts.

Incidentally, it is much harder than I imagined finding a picture on the web of a drunk standing in a doorway opposite an irate woman.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Archive (A Photo Commentary)

MONKEY MONKEY MONKEY

Thursday, December 15, 2005

He Says 'Yar' And Everything

Meet North Carolina State University's student body president. His name on the ballot was "The Pirate Captain." His platform, or "plank" as he described it, was "expanding the bus lines to haul thar peopled cargo to and fro from ACC bouts at the yonder RBC Center" and "holding meetin's open to all yae landlubbers." At the debates, of course he was dressed as the pirate that he is. The student scurvy dogs responded by electing him with a 58% majority in a run-off election.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

I'm About To Blow Your Mind!!!

This is a little trick I modelled after many chain e-mails floating around the web. Get out a paper and something to write with (or a calculator if you're too stupid to do simple math).

1. Start with the number in your street address.
2. Add 500.
3. Multiply by 4.
4. Square the result.
5. Subtract 13.
6. Add 422.
7. Subtract 409.
8. Take the square root of the result.
9. Divide by 4.
10. Subtract 500.
11. Finally, subtract the number in your street address.
12. Now this is going to blow your mind.... the answer is.....


















Your age when you were born!!!

Since you were so impressed with this little trick, send this link to 10 people in the next 10 seconds or your head will implode and your brains will seep into your lower abdomen causing your spleen to explode.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Another Monkey