Hall of Justice

Impervious to kryptonite since 1974. Bragging about it since 1974.

Monday, October 10, 2005

Fun With Scammers Part 4: Jones Nationality Lost There

Here's another one from the archives that didn't get very far.


Mr. Sanford Jones,

I am Barrister Morris Popur, a solicitor at law, personal attorney to Enginner B. P Jones, a nationality of your country, who used to work with Shell Development Company in Lome Togo.

Here in after Shall Development Company be referred to as my client. On the 21st of April 2000, my client, his wife and their only daughter were involved in a car accident along Nouvissi express Road. All occupants of the vehicle unfortunately lost there lives. Since then I have made several enquiries to your embassy here in Togo to locate any of my clients extended relatives, this has also proved unsuccessful.

After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to track his last name over the Internet, to locate any member of his family hence I contacted you to assist in repartrating the fund valued at US$64.8 million left behind by my client before it gets confisicated or declared unserviceable by the UNION TOGOLAISE DU BANQUE, where this huge amount were deposited. The said Bank has issued me a notice to provide to them the next of kin or have his account confisicated within the next days.

Since I have been unsuccesfull in finding his relatives for over 2 years now, I seek the consent to present you as the next of kin to the deceased since you have the same last name with him, so that the proceeds of this account can be paid to you as the next of kin to the depositor.

Therefore, on receipt of your positive response on this claim, we shall then discuss the sharing ratio and modalities on the transfer of the fund. Meanwhile I have all the necessary information and legal documents needs to back you up for the claim.

All I required from you is your honest cooperation to enable us see this transaction through. I guarantee you that this will be executed under legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. Please get in touch with me through this e-mail for more details about the claim.

Best Regards.
Barrister. Morris Popur.


All. Hail. The. Great. And. Powerful. Barrister. Morris. Poplar.

What a terrible and tragic yarn you weave, oh ye of sporadic random period placement. The Nouvissi Express must be a dangerous place to drive. I never knew that there was a nationality here in my country called BP Jones and that the whole nationality was destroyed in your country. What a coincidence. A terrible, tragic coincidence. I assume that you are having trouble locating relatives since the whole race was killed. It must have been quite a packed automobile. Were they driving a bus?

I hope you do not object to my use of expletives, but holy freaking poop! Shucks, 65 million dollars is a lot of mother humping money! You can darn well consider this correspondence as my positive response and you can expect my honesty and loyalty, oh chum of chums. Or would you rather be considered my faithful sidekick?

What the heck are the details of the shares and modals and whatnot?

One more question. What do you mean when you wrote “to back [me] up”? This may be a subtle difference in our dialect, but that is sexual talk in my region. Are you offering sex? Or does this term mean something else in your dialect? I assume the former, but you can never be sure in today’s culture of free love and lusting of the flesh.

Thank you for offering me this opportunity. I look forward to getting the skinny (in my dialect, that means getting the down low, which means hearing the details) on this venture.

With burning in my heart and lungs,
Mister. Sanford. R. Jones.

Dear Mr. Sanford Jones

Thank you so much for your interest in the claim and fund transfer of the sum US$64,800,000.00 dollers, which was deposited in a bank here by your releative Eng. P. B. Jones.

However sir, following your questions in this claim I will like you to call me as soon as possible on this telephone number + 228 9222537, so that we can discuss the transaction in details.

Meanwhile every arrangement on how the fund will be transfer directly into your bank account has been made, now I want you to give me urgent call, so that we can discuss on how to share the fund after the transfer.

Thanks for co-operation

Br. Morris Popur
Telephone + 228 9222537.

Barrister. Poplar,

With that many zero’s, how can I not be interested? Son of a biscuit eater! We’re going to be on easy street (more linguistics from my region; it means we’ll be high on the hog, or rich).

Unfortunately, I can not call you at work. I operate a train trestle over the mighty Virginia River. I have a laptop with wireless web so I can download porn and stock quotes while I wait for trains, but I am not allowed to carry a phone. I will try to phone you when my shift ends tonight.

Could you please address the questions I had in my previous e-mail? Specifically, I need to know what are the shares and modals and what have you, and an answer to the question about what backing me up means.

One other question. You are a Barrister. The dead Jones nationality were all Engineers. I don’t have a title. Could you provide me with a title so that I might be more ready to face the world as a rich man once we conclude this transaction? I do not think it would be appropriate to be a rich man named Train Trestle Operator Sanford R. Jones.

Itching in the scrotal area,
Sanford R. Jones

Barrister Poplar,

I tried to call you last night, but when I asked for Mr. Poplar, the person on the other end starting chanting in various tongues and said I had the wrong number. I don't think I have the right phone number for you. I am back on my train trestle today downloading porn (Have you seen the Bea Arthur video? Talk about hot!) and stock quotes while raising and lowering the bridge, so if you reply to this e-mail with a number that works, I will call you after my shift ends tomorrow. While you are awaiting my call, could you please address the outstanding questions I have?

1. What are the shares and modes of this deal?
2. What do you mean when you say you will “back [me] up”? Here, it means you want to bone me (in other words, to pork me or have sexual relations with me). Are you soliciting sex or is there a misunderstanding created by our cultural differences?
3. Will you give me a title similar to Barrister or Engineer?

Uncomfortable in the left ankle,
Sanford Jones


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