The Ethics Of Unprovoked Punches: Life Is A Fight Club

A point I often ponder is what the world would be like if it weren't ethically and morally wrong for one man to knock another man's teeth down his throat for no obvious reason. You know that guy you've never talked to because you already know you can't stand him? How would you like to be able to cold cock him every now and then? Of course, a few ground rules would have to be followed:

1. This would have to be man on man. Hitting women is just wrong, although there could be cause for a couple of caveats to this rule. For instance, a woman is fair game if she chews tobacco or curses like a character on an HBO series. Otherwise, no punching the ladies.

2. No punching someone just because he is smaller and weaker than you. However, if someone smaller and weaker than you rubs you the wrong way, have at it.

3. No retaliation with weapons. Let's settle this the way we used to do it on the playground. You catch me off-guard today with a flying fist, I catch you off-guard tomorrow with a knuckle sandwich (one of the perks of my new society is being able to say "knuckle sandwich" more often).

4. No trying to copy the fictional Fight Club. In my world, you talk about it all you want. In fact, not talking about it will earn you a cheapshot in the short ribs.

The above list is in no way intended to be complete as is. However, I'm eager to get my social experiment up and running. Have at it, guinea pigs. Now if you'll excuse, I'm off to find that guy in my office who looks like Barney Rubble and sneers at me every time I see him in the elevator although we've never spoken.